If I could teach my daughter one thing it would be love yourself enough. My daughter is 7, but in my mind she is still a baby. I have noticed lately that she comes home more complaining about the kids at school not wanting to be her friend and how they make fun of her. The reality is that soon, too soon, I will be dealing with mood swings, teen angst, and her constant struggle to find her place in life. So if there is one thing I could teach her that she would carry with her always it would be to love herself enough.
I say “enough” because sometimes it takes that little bit of extra. I want her to love herself enough to know that she can do better, that she can do more. I want her to love herself enough to know that when everyone else around her is expressing hatred and unkindness that she can rise above. I want her to love herself enough to be secure in having two close friends and not 12 friends she can never count on and who talk about her behind her back. I want her to love herself enough to know she doesn’t need a boy to define her worth. I want her to learn from my mistake, because I learned this lesson much too late in life. I don’t want her to just love herself….I want her to love herself enough to make it through life and be happy with who she is.
Lately I have been thinking of the babies I lost due to miscarriage. These two little babies have been on my mind constantly for the past few days and I suppose that has pushed me to want to say a few things. I have three living children ages 6, 4, and 2. They are amazing kids, they push my buttons, but also push me to be the best person I can be. I have known many people who believe that because I have these 3 beautiful children my miscarriages shouldn’t really affect me. How I wish this was true.
Because I have these three awesome children I can’t help but think what those little angel babies would be like today. Would they be sassy? Mellow? Make me laugh? I wish I could know what their snuggles would feel like and what their first words would be. I will never hear their first cry, or be responsible for their first smile. I will never have to try to hide my tears on their first day of kindergarten or argue with them about cleaning their rooms.
I look at my children and while I hurt for the angel babies I will never know, I feel blessed to have the life I do. There are many women who never see their dream of a baby come to fruition and my heart aches for them. I wish with everything I have that they will know what it is like to love a child and have that child love them back.
I suppose the purpose of speaking out about this is to let people know that every woman who goes through a miscarriage carries those wounds on her heart forever. Carrying a baby in your womb and never meeting them takes a toll on anyone who has experienced it. So…be kind, be empathetic, and never devalue a person’s life experiences.